God is still God and God is good.

I watched this last year and it had a huge impact on me, I watched it again tonight with a friend.  To hear someone give testimony to the goodness of God in the midst of great suffering is powerful.  Thank you Lord for Zac and the way in this he brings glory to you.

The Story of Zac Smith from NewSpring Media on Vimeo.

... and the new one from Zac's wife. How I long for the day when Jesus wipes away every tear.

A Story | Tears of Hope from Adam Kring on Vimeo.

Control

It's funny how much our ideas of God can grow and mature as we get to know more of him as he has revealed himself.  It doesn't always go smoothly.  It usually goes like this; I read something in the bible I don't like, I brush past it at first but the more I read the more I have to face it.  So I try to excuse it or explain it away, trying to make it fit in with the way I like to think God opperates.  Problem is my view of God is waaay to small.  Don't I want to know who God really is?  What am I afraid of?  I guess we like to think we have things figured out and it's hard when God reveals things in his word that challenge our ideas.  I has this battle with the idea of Gods sovereignty for a long time.  Is God in control or isn't he?  On one hand we want him to be, on the other it means I have no real control - and I like to be in control!  But really do I?  Who is better to be in charge of my life, me or the almighty God of the universe?!  Of course there is the classic struggle with the idea of election and all that goes with it... But at the end of it all, looking at the flow of the bible there is just no denying - God knows what he's doing and he is absolutely in control.  I believe that God is sovereign.

But after wrestling with this idea for so long, I now find it to be solid ground to stand on and a warm blanket around me.  This God excites me.  This God is worthy of worship!  This God saved me when I was still dead in my sin (Col 2:13), while I was still his enemy (Rom 5:10) he drew me to his Son (John 6:44).  Thank you God.  I couldn't understand my experiences over the past few years apart from these truths.  I am so grateful for the way that at just the right time the Lord teaches us just what we need to know, and over these past 5 years I have been reminded that he is both sovereign and good.  He can be trusted.

We need to be careful that we don't try to pin God down to be what we think he is, what is comfortable, what we want him to be, what 'feels' right  but instead we must ask Him to reveal himself through his word and adjust acordingly.  If we don't he is patient, but we will miss out on a richer, deeper knowledge of our God.

Lord I need to know you more than anything else.  Please reveal yourself to me, my family and my community.

God's glory

God is all about God.  He's all about Himself and his glory.  If this was a person we'd be disgusted, call it pure arrogance, but there is nothing better than God, so the best thing for God to be about is God.  Living for God's glory that's what life is about.  There is nothing better.

Out of the depths, O Lord, I cry to You
When I am tempted to despair.
And though I have failed to trust Your promises
You never fail to hear my prayer.
And, if you judge my sin, I'd never stand again.
But, I see mercy in Your hands.

So, more than watchmen for the morning,
I will wait for you, my God.
When my fears come with no warning,
In Your Word I put my trust.
When the harvest time is over,
and I still see no fruit,
I will wait. I will wait for You.

The secret mysteries belong to You.
We only know what You reveal.
And all my questions are unresolved
Don't change the wisdom of Your will.
In every trial and loss,
My hope is in the cross -
Where Your compassions never fail.

So, more than watchmen for the morning,
I will wait for you, my God.
When my fears come with no warning,
In Your Word I put my trust.
When the harvest time is over,
and I still see no fruit,
I will wait. I will wait for You.

(from the Psalms CD, Sovereign Grace Music)

Koinonia

I reconnected with a good friend today.  I've seen her lots over the past year, had plenty of conversations, spent lots of time together socially, had meals together as families, I see her every week at church and we talk, we are in a small group together but it takes more than all of those things to build real fellowship.  Real fellowship requires an intention, to be open and honest, to be vulnerable with one another and most importantly put Jesus at the centre of the relationship.  We have to be willing to speak God's word to one another and pray for one another.  Be willing to ask difficult questions and answer them when asked of us - honestly without holding back.  We have to stick at it when it gets difficult, seeking to serve the other person, not ourselves.  We have to let God use the relationship to shape us and sharpen us.
Maybe we already know that, I know I have done for a number of years now but it's useless to know how fellowship is built if I have no intention of building real fellowship with Christians around me.  Today I made a step in the right direction...

Jesus help me to, in humility, value others above myself not looking to my own interests but to the interests of others.  Lord help me to be willing to be part of your body.

Just seek me

I had a great weekend.  Exhausting but great.  I know God was, is, near.  I think I'm starting to actually listen to what he might be saying.  Because if we are honest it usually goes a bit like this: we ask God to speak, then we wait to hear what we want to hear, and if we don't hear it then we assume God isn't speaking,  I've done it before.  I prayed for a whole year for guidance about my job, then waited for God to guide me to a new one, all the while ignoring the first thing I heard which was to stay where I was!  It would be easy to do the same thing now, maybe I have been.  For the past five years I have prayed so desperately to be a mother and of course I am hoping to hear God's voice reassuring me that he is going to answer, even better when he is going to answer.  I still hope for that of course, but what God has said is this, over and over again: Don't seek me for a child... just seek me.  Thats hard.  But as I am learning infinitely better than anything else God could give, is God himself.  I had a glimpse this weekend that I can do that, seek Him I mean, and be satisfied with Him alone, and so enjoy the blessings he gives in light of that.

Matt 10:37 “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.  This REALLY challenged me.  I don't want to love the blessing of a child more than Jesus!

Lord help me to seek you first!

Faith fleshed out

I feel like I should explain where that last post came from. 

This has been the key thing that God has been teaching me over the past couple of weeks.  The initially energy of the new year is well and truly gone and I'll end up back where I was in December (lacking discipline, feeling lost, lonely and miserable and lacking any tangible hope - because I took my eyes off Jesus, meaning I wasn't looking at him, my head was down, I was simply looking at myself and my circumstance, I wasn't even looking to the needs of others...) If it wasn't for the grace of God.  In his grace he is sustaining me.  He is teaching me that what really counts is faith.  And how can I demonstrate faith if I am trusting in my own strength?  First I need to realise my weakness, not just a passing, need a bit of help for a while weakness but utter and complete weakness.  I nead to learn how to lean my whole weight upon Him.  So I feel weak.  I'm finding it tough.  Feeling confused.  Struggling to find joy and motivation.  I've been looking at the life of Abel, the son of Adam and Eve, what did he do? Not much.  But he goes down in the Hebrews 11 faith hall of fame.  He trusted God, he offered a more sacrifice.  Am I willing to trust God? Completely? I want to.  Faith isn't some wishy washy thing to make me feel better, faith isn't about me.  It pleases God!  So if the goal is faith in Jesus I need to view all of life through that lens, measure success and failure in terms of that.  It changes everything.  And if that is true our infertility gives us an opportunity to demonstrate faith that we wouldn't have otherwise had. 

Faith

Without faith no one can please God.

Lord thank you that you are giving me opportunities to realise my weakness and to trust you.  Please help me to strive towars the goal of faith in you irrespective of circumstance