Should Christians use reproductive technologies?

A good well considered article from the Village church in Dallas, Texas helping Christians to think about some of the issues surrounding IVF and other reproductive technologies. These were many of the things we considered in our decision to finally go for IVF. It is worth knowing that the issue of more than two babies implanting would be extremely rare in the UK since one embryo only is recommended and Two are the maximum allowed. Also in the UK Doctors seem to be more concerned with quality than quantity of eggs collected and 8 seems to be a common number. This still gives the potential for 8 embryos. We discussed thoroughly with our embryologist our refusal to discard embryos regardless of quality and they were more than happy to accommodate our request to allow the embryos to develop and store at the ten cell stage (this gives them a better chance of survival), obviously we had committed ourselves to replacing all embryos we had created back into the body also. Our other embryos did not survive as they naturally stopped dividing after four cells but we were happy that they were given the best chance for survival.

http://www.thevillagechurch.net/sermon/should-christians-use-contraceptive-methods-and-reproductive-technologies/

Out of a woman's heart

As I read Marks gospel yesterday, Jesus reminded me;

"There is nothing outside a person that by going into him can defile him, but the things that come out of a person are what defile him."

I've seen in my my thoughts and actions recently attitudes that look nothing like Jesus. Aren't we supposed to look more like him as we mature, I most certainly feel less like him than ever. How is this possible, has the sleep deprivation and the exhaustion of motherhood caused this? No. Jesus tells me that it comes from within me, out of my heart. These attitudes, the propensity for bitterness, selfishness, jealousy are all there in my heart, my circumstance merely provides the opportunity for them to surface. The fact that I hadn't expected it probably just shows that I still haven't comprehended the extent of my own sinfulness. But the more I see my sin, the more I realise my need for grace and the sweeter the gospel becomes. I have been trying to operate too much in my own strength, how could I forget so quickly that apart from him I can do nothing.

Where hope is found.

My blog was originally called 'Where hope is found' I started writing at a very difficult time in my life and I knew that hope, real hope could be found no where else but in Jesus. My need was not to have a baby, therefore my ultimate hope was not simply to become a mother. My need was, and still is, to know more of God and become more like Jesus.

It's funny how now as a mother of 14 month old twins I find myself having to be reminded of the same lessons that I learned during those six years of infertility. It's the times when we feel hard pressed that I find we either drift or press into The Lord and I hope that I can do the latter. I am struggling now. Of course outwardly it is very different than before but the reality is the same as before. The question is this "do I really know and believe that God is truly good and does good?" Do I really trust what Romans 8 tells me?

If I had to sum up the past 14 months in one word it would be this: hard. It has been incredibly hard. It has got easier and now feels manageable but there were times (long periods of time) when I felt overwhelmed and didn't know how I could keep going (mostly due to the severe sleep deprivation!). Some of those old questions about the goodness of Gods plan have been revealed again in me over the past couple of weeks since some of my friends have had babies. I am so happy for them but spending time around them and seeing them able to enjoy those early weeks has actually been really hard. I know that this is simply evidence of the pride and self centredness in my own heart. I have felt a mixture of jealousy and guilt. Guilt that I feel jealous! God has been so gracious to me, how could I even for a second think his gifts to me aren't the best!

I am grateful that God is revealing my heart to me and I pray that he will change it. Working things like this through with him is so much harder now than during infertility. I never would have imagined that but it is most certainly the case. the times with the Lord that would really impact on my life were those times when I would withdraw, just him and me, devoting time to just sit in his presence. That now seems impossible but thank God that he still speaks in all circumstance regardless of me! It's a good job he gave me those six years as I definitely would not have been prepared for this without them.

The gospel is the answer to my current struggles just as it was the answer when I so desperately wanted to be a mother. Thank you Lord for your gospel of grace, please help me show grace to others.

Simply to the cross I cling

Our boys are almost 10 months old! They are an absolute delight and a blessing from the Lord! It is such an honour and privilege to be the ones who get to teach them about Jesus. They are also the biggest challenge I have ever faced and undoubtedly the tool the Lord is using most in my ongoing sanctification! I thought I had faced the everyday challenge of following Jesus before but now it is the same but without the luxury of any time not accounted for (either at work, with the boys or catching up on housework or marking & planning for work) and with severe sleep deprivation having not had a single night of uninterrupted sleep for well over a year and the often overwhelming relentless work there is to do, that I love to do, but at the same time feel the heavy weight of. Thank you Lord that you knew I needed those years to prepare for this and to see trials (at 2,3,4,5,6 am!) as blessings from you, opportunities to become more like Jesus and to trust you as our rock. Lord draw me deeper in to you! I will need to learn these lessons now as I have a feeling the next few years will bring many new challenges. Lord thank you for letting me be a mother. Please bless those women who are waiting and desperately clinging to you, desiring that gift too. Let them see that you are their sun and shield, their very great reward!

The twins have arrived

The twins are now a week old.  Their arrival has hit us like a ton of bricks.  Of course I keep looking at them and pinching myself and thanking God for his graciousness but this is by far and without doubt the hardest thing me and my husband have ever faced.  I did not know that the human body could survive on such small amounts of sleep. Then there is the worrying.  Our babies have had a few issues which have made it worse.  Trusting God has never been so tangibly necessary or harder to do being so tired.  So far my husband and I have not had our mini breakdowns at the same time so we have been able to support one another, reminding each other of our progressive sanctification and what God might be teaching us.
We have needed a lot of help, this has been good for killing pride, I look a mess and have had to admit I can't do this alone.  I have been particularly overwhelmed by the support of a friend who has twins and is pregnant again.  She has been checking in on me daily and has been offering advice reassurance and encouragement.  She even offered to come overnight to help.  I had no idea how hard it was for them when they had twins, I didn't stop to think.  I was most likely thinking about myself wishing I was in their position.  It's true Gods timing is perfect, there is no way we had the spiritual maturity to be parents of twins before infertility. So I've had to repent to God and maybe to people about my attitude when others had babies. I did not do Philippians 2. I did not support them well and I even judged some for finding it so hard and not seeming to appreciate it enough. This is to my shame. Tonight has been better, no doubt because of the Lord responding to our prayers and the prayers of our Christian community. I currently have 2 sleeping babies laying on my knee in bed after a 4 am snack for them and daddy is thankfully sleeping too as he has been generously been taking the settling down, nappy change and top up feeding shifts and letting me get some sleep for an hour or so while he deals with the screaming. Thank you Jesus for these boys and thank you for your work of making us more like you. way

Our babies at 16 weeks

Testimony part 2

This process spanned a period of five and a half years and whilst the physical aspects were difficult at times, the real difficulty has been both the emotional and spiritual challenges.

Infertility feels like a kind of grief that only grows stronger as time passes, for someone you haven’t even met yet, and may never get to meet.  Many of the things we have learned over this time has been through going to God in pain and desperately seeking him for answers about our situation.  They were not discoveries made easily but every one of them has proved to be true and has been tested in what has been for us the most difficult time of our lives. We have attempted to summarise some of the things God has taught us below:

God is better than…

·         It is easy to feel like a failure without children, feeling like your life is on hold or that there is a lack of purpose but that assumes that children are the thing that gives your life meaning. Over time it was reinforced to us that God is the One who gives our life meaning. God is the goal of our lives, not children or anything else. In Genesis 15, when Abraham is concerned about not having a son, one of the things God tells him is: “I am your reward”. By His grace, we get God. He is the reward and is a far better reward than anything else we could want.

·         God reminded us repeatedly over the last 5 and half years that His plan is better than ours. When God’s plan doesn’t match up with what we had planned for ourselves (which is often the case) we need to remember that His plan is better! God is good, He only gives good gifts. We might not view certain things as “good” at the time, but that is only because we don’t have all the information. From God’s eternal perspective, He is working for His glory and our good, all the time. He is more committed to what is good for us than we are!

·         We know that God is able to do all things, but even if he doesn’t, He is still worthy of worship. This is a difficult lesson to learn because it is relatively easy to worship God when things are going well. God could have allowed us to conceive a child at any time over the last few years, but he didn’t. Would we still worship Him? The key issue is understanding that we are worshipping God because he is worthy of our worship, not because of what He can do for us. In Daniel 3, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego are about to be thrown into the fiery furnace and they say that God is able to save them, but even if he doesn’t, they will still not bow down and worship idols. This idea of God being able to change things, but He is worthy of our worship “even if he doesn’t”, became a powerful lesson that we learned during this period.

Why is God allowing this?

At many points during our period of infertility, we would find ourselves wondering why God was allowing it to happen. Again, God used this to teach us about himself.

·         God reminded us that He is in control. God opens and closes the womb. God can do whatever he wants. We felt out of control but in reality, it just showed us that we are all always out of control. Any control we think we have in our lives is an illusion. We are totally dependant on Him.

·         It is easy to start thinking that God is punishing us for something by withholding children. We had to repeatedly remember the cross – that God doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve (Romans 5:8) and there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). God is not punishing me because Jesus has taken the punishment I deserve.

·         God’s plan for us is that we become more like Jesus. Everything is working towards that goal. Romans 8:29 says that we have been predestined to be conformed to the image of the Son. Everything God is doing is to make us more like Jesus. In John 11 we read that Jesus delayed going to Lazarus and Lazarus died. Jesus says that Lazarus’ death happened so that they/we would believe in Jesus. God sometimes delays out of love because the best thing for us is seeing more of God.

·         In 2 Corinthians 15 Paul pleads with God to take away his ‘thorn in the flesh’ but instead of taking it away God says that "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  Gods plan for us as Christians is far bigger than comfort. His plan is that we would become more like Jesus and God uses all of the circumstances of our lives to that end.

·         It is hard not knowing if God will ever answer your prayers. You know that you are supposed to have faith but I don’t think you can really know if you have faith until it is tested. Until you have to lean your whole weight on God

Community

Our lives do not take place in isolation; they take place in the context of relationships. Experiencing infertility in community was another area that God used to teach us valuable lessons.

• Watching others experience the blessing that you are desperate for is difficult but God showed us that it is pride that creates most of that difficulty. God taught us humility is rejoicing with others when they are blessed just as much as you would if it was you.  Infertility is very common but because of the sensitive nature of it and the ongoing sense of vulnerability few people choose to share what is going on and, as a result, few people are really aware of the challenges and emotions faced by people suffering with infertility.  This means that people can often be insensitive without meaning to be and this has been another area in which God has tried to cultivate humility in us.

·         We decided early on that if someone were to ask us about this we would tell the truth and try to be open, so those of you who have ever asked us about children know that to be true. We did this not because it was easier to do it, because it wasn’t, but because we believe that is part of what it means to walk in the light.  We have had a number of people who have walked this whole journey with us, who have been praying for us like they were praying for themselves and more.  We have seen a greater glimpse of what true Christian community looks like in this than we ever would have otherwise.  Being open with people has meant that we have closer relationships than we would have otherwise.  Letting others in is hard because it means being vulnerable but we know that this is what the bible means when it tells us to carry one another’s burdens.

In summary we just want to say that God is the purpose of your life. He is the reward. He is the source of satisfaction. He is in control. He can be trusted and He is always working for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose. We are grateful that he counted us worthy (because of Jesus) to show himself to us in this. There is no doubt that He carried us through.  When you face difficulties please don’t simply pray that God will change your circumstances, but show you more of himself in them and make you more like Jesus through them.  If you get the thing you want but you miss God then you have missed everything.  Fortunately, God loves us too much to do that.

Now that God has given us the gift of children, please don’t think this is simply a testimony about God answering prayer, though it is certainly not less than that!  We are not simply saying these things now because we finally have what we asked for.  These things are true all the time. They were still true before God answered and they would still be true if he never answered.  We have to trust God just as much now as we did before.  Life with Jesus is dynamic and he is constantly at work, we want to encourage you to press in to him whatever your circumstance and discover that He is your very great reward.