Just seek me

I had a great weekend.  Exhausting but great.  I know God was, is, near.  I think I'm starting to actually listen to what he might be saying.  Because if we are honest it usually goes a bit like this: we ask God to speak, then we wait to hear what we want to hear, and if we don't hear it then we assume God isn't speaking,  I've done it before.  I prayed for a whole year for guidance about my job, then waited for God to guide me to a new one, all the while ignoring the first thing I heard which was to stay where I was!  It would be easy to do the same thing now, maybe I have been.  For the past five years I have prayed so desperately to be a mother and of course I am hoping to hear God's voice reassuring me that he is going to answer, even better when he is going to answer.  I still hope for that of course, but what God has said is this, over and over again: Don't seek me for a child... just seek me.  Thats hard.  But as I am learning infinitely better than anything else God could give, is God himself.  I had a glimpse this weekend that I can do that, seek Him I mean, and be satisfied with Him alone, and so enjoy the blessings he gives in light of that.

Matt 10:37 “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.  This REALLY challenged me.  I don't want to love the blessing of a child more than Jesus!

Lord help me to seek you first!